A Pledge of Allegiance
Since February 2004 immigrants have been required to swear allegiance to Liz Windsor before being granted citizenship. Here is what we think it should say.
The United Kingdom’s Pledge of Allegiance
1. I pledge allegiance to Her Majesty Elizabeth Windsor, to her family and to the monarchy for which it stands: three kingdoms under one queen, infinitely stratified, with such liberties as are granted to the people by parliament and such justice as a supreme court that is composed of lords and masters may allow.
2. I acknowledge that all governmental authority is derived from the Crown and denounce the heresy that is should be derived from the people.
3. Being a Catholic/Hindu/atheist/Methodist/agnostic/Baptist/Muslim/other I recognise the supremacy of the Church of England in all spiritual matters and its right to a privileged place in the government of my new country. Furthermore I freely acknowledge my obligation to give financial support to that Church and recognise the right of its archbishops to sit in the legislature for as long as they hold office in the Church of England and without benefit of election. I acknowledge that the separation of church and state has no place in the traditions of this nation and is therefore of no merit.
4. I renounce for my own part and on behalf of my offspring all aspiration to the office of head of state, accept that second class status is the highest which subjects of the monarch may achieve and acknowledge that only members of the Windsor family, being of Protestant European ancestry, are fit to hold that office.
5. I renounce all claims to the status of equal citizen and accept my duty as a subject to defer to those superior in civil rank whether their status be inherited at birth or bestowed by Her Majesty the Queen.
6. I acknowledge that my civil rights are those bestowed by Parliament, which that same Parliament may remove at any time of its choosing. Acknowledging that an unwritten and ill-defined constitution, subject to such interpretation as expediency may require, is the best guarantee of the rights of free Britons, I disclaim any desire for my rights as a citizen or the powers of the state and the limits to those powers, to be set out in writing,
7. I accept my duty to uphold the laws of this nation and will not, therefore, speak or act in such a manner as might advance a republican form of government, such being alien to the traditions and contrary to the law of my new land. I renounce all claims to sit in the legislature, serve as a police officer or take office as a judge if my beliefs are republican in nature.